Monday 18 January 2010

Greener Pastures

It's with a bitter sweet, sugary lemon tongue that we wrestle the original R520 blog to the ground and force it to eat the grass of retirement. While personally I felt it was a major step forward in reversing the Web 2.0 movement by sprouting mind juice from a single brain-entity without plebs spilling their internet over our precious binaries, others felt that it was too much of an old man who'd urinated on himself badly and lost his walking stick in the snow.

However, the ambulance of trust arrived to wheel the old man to some place better, more popular, and hopefully with a better future, despite having stomach cancer and a wife who's trying to poison him. The slightly better state of affairs can be found over at:


To all our loyal readers: wow, really? Get a life, you jerk!

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Friday 8 January 2010

Hot Word Soup

This is a unique opportunity to see how the Deus Ex Machina behind the R520 works. Or doesn't work. "Gave us extra washing machines", more like. We tried to make a post about how to take care during these icy, snowy days. But instead all we got was a pun run... We miss you all dearly, so I'm posting it.

dr_faulk: I want to post a new blog about surviving the snow and ice. Any ideas?

SadRyu: I'm too busy growing.

dr_faulk: Snow points for that one.

Paulus maximus: Ice what you did there.

dr_faulk: I smelt that one coming...

Paulus maximus: I thawt you might say that.

dr_faulk: You always were flakey when it came to these pun runs...

Paulus maximus: Yeah I'm snowman for these puns allright.

dr_faulk: Seems no one else is getting involved in this. I'm off. Chat to you sleighter.

Paulus maximus: Yeah we seem to have frost the others.

Flightrisker: Sorry I was sleeting my lunch.

Monday 14 December 2009

Berlusconi Wins Jam Donut Eat-a-thon

Italian Premieristo Silvio Berlusconi has won the annual Milan Jam Donut Eat-a-thon. Picture here moments after devouring his final obstacle, Mr. Berlusconi was rushed away to a local cafe to drink copious amounts of tea, which many believe to be a good companion for the dough-based jam sacks.

The trophy - a 1:50,000 scale of the Milan Cathedral that hosted the event - was received by Mr. Berlusconi between his gums, as both front teeth had rotted from his head during the high-sugar event.

His closest competitor, a mentally unstable Milan resident, was furious at losing, and has ordered himself to be arrested by police and to receive bruises under a wet sack in a darkened cell.

Before being shuttled away by adoring security guards, Berlusconi proudly showed the crowd the face of an easy-going government, reminding them them that political class and circumstance should never get in the way of gorging oneself senseless.

"Mney mneynlem mnyem!"

Thursday 19 November 2009

Henry Celebrated for Initiating Era of Hand 2.0 Compliancy

Humans around the world welcomed in a new era last night, after French footballer Terence Henry dazzlingly smashed the crusty old rules of yester-year in a stadium packed with flag wavers and clothes wearers. In harsh times gone by, humans were relegated to the degrading habit of using their feet and hands for a limited and specific set of tasks, as was clearly defined by The Book of Appendages, which came from outer space and gave birth to the term "handy".

But not anymore! During the exciting net-filling festival, the Frenchman asploded the minds of many-a-man by usurping the over-lords of boredom and hand-pushed the football to his foot, before casually returning to old habits under no social or archaic pressures, and footed the spherical leather pouch to his team mate. Spectaters at the scene vibrated their larynx to maximum effect and waved their bodies in fits of agreement. The Irish team even halted their actions to inform the referee just how awesomely mind-blowing the whole incident was.


"Ref! You won't believe what I've just seen!!!"

Irish coach Giovanni Clap-your-hands-says-Tony mimmicked the hand gesture from the side-lines, before turning to the bench and shouting, "IT'S HAND 2.0 COMPLIANCY!!!"

However, a furore has brewed in this Fisher Price tea cup. Many are asking for the event to be re-staged as not enough people captured reflected photons of light carrying information about the incident using their eyequipment. They hope that Mr. Henry can perform the same maneuver in an attempt to encourage more people to do the same. Hand 2.0 Compliancy is being billed as the "next" big "thing", and is something governments around the world have long been discussing, in an attempt to simulatenously move all levels of society forward.

Mr. Henry has extended his thanks to all those who support his actions, and has vowed to push Hand 2.0 Compliancy to the forefront of everyone's agenda by replacing his entire right arm with a giant hand. Henry will be spending the next two weeks travelling to disadvantaged schools where stunted children can share in the joy of signing his hand and showering in the sweat from his palm.

Henry - "Bastard"