STOP THE PRESS!!

Forget Paris screaming her way back to prison, or the world's fastest wheelchair, we have just received reports of a unique phallic bread roll.

Early reports are sketchy, but eye-witnesses have used words such as "hilarious", "hahaha", and "earth shattering". As to the origins of this spectacle boulangers, surely a kooky, irregularistic breadist is to blame, peeping through shelves and fondling himself madly as helpless victims grope the yeasty expression of his inner perv.

DRAMATIC UPDATE: Avid photographer Proficious Fax snapped the 8th Wonder (insert) while trying to instead grab a snap of the Lock Ness Monster. "All I wanted to see was a giant lizard. Now all I have is a bready cock. It's a disgrace. Someone should pay."